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沧浪书院绝六班烟萝组第十一讲作业 |
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点评
诗题草率了些,初看还以为是咏物诗,承句孤平,转结突然,与启承断裂,当酌!
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点评
学友好,学字仄声,此外当平,担,动词是平声,名词,量词为仄声,此处不妥!全文平淡无诗味,口水句尔!用韵正确,宜多看,多练!加油!
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